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2003-10-19 + 11:18 p.m. "Keep trying." I did find it...and realized it was the rose tinted dream of a young woman. I don't want it now. Yes, I will confess that sometimes when it's late at night and the house is perfectly still, I'll recall something once said to make me smile...actually, I can't even remember the words anymore.(Though I do remember them being lovely) And no, I didn't just find this out either. It's just hard you know? When you finally open up your soul to someone, like a rose opening it's blooms to a Spring sun, basking in the warmth of their smile and approval...it's a precious thing. But in opening up to others, you can, and most likely will get hurt somewhere down the line. It is unfortunate, but it is how we learn. A year ago, I could not have written this without having cried first. Right or wrong, I was hurt none the less, and getting through last summer was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The person I was so happy being is now gone forever. And the person I am now is a little more cynacle than I would like to be. But that too will pass. You see, I had my Moment. It was just like the lyrics of the Andrea Bocelli song "Canto Della Terra" (CDT). In a breathless moment, I fell in love. I made a promise that night - a promise to never forget that moment. Time truly did stand still, and I could live in it if I wanted to... but I don't anymore. I think I could have been happy either way. But because of what happened, I think I'm better person. So in short, you made me become who I am. I would have preferred a more gentle method, but I'm a much stronger and more independent person because of what you put me through. And part of me thanks you for that. And there is still a very, very small part of me that, on nights such as these, finds the sudden urge to use words like "verbose" and "digress" and tease a certain college Freshman for burning himself with the syrup for his pancakes. Both of those people are, in a sense, gone now, and have gone their seperate ways. But as I write this now, I can't help but wonder if this thought has also crossed your mind - What would have happened if that Boy and that Girl had gotten their chance to meet? How would it have gone? They would both be just as scared and shy and nervous...how long would it have been before They parted ways? Just wonderin'. |