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2006-08-31 + 10:00 p.m. Those who are wise will tell you that you can never be comfortable with someone until you're comfortable with yourself. I finally realized. It was all about me. I kept trying to be someone I'm not. The tall, thin, witty and lovely girl. Irresistable in so many ways. With Roger, because he never saw me on a daily basis, it was very easy for me to believe that I was this girl. But I never was. And it was just that vain, dreamful image of me that I was missing all these years. And the funny thing is, that I always was kind of like that, and there was no reason to try so hard. One of the first things Jon told me in Ashland was that I was "willowy". And he always tells me how pretty I look first thing in the morning. And he means it. I can't understand it all - I've seen myself first thing in the morning! - but there it is. With him, I'm more myself - my real self - then I've ever been. And my real self is so very comfortable with him. 98% of the time. I'm such a silly little fool. But I'm loved, and loved by the best boy ever. So it's all alright. |